I never put up a Christmas post. I had intended to – usually on Christmas day I have a lot of down time. This year was hectic by comparison. I had one of the worst sleeps of all time on Christmas eve night, I think I went to bed around 2:00am and woke up at 5:00am, fell back asleep and then up intermittently ’til I couldn’t handle it anymore at 8:30am. Which reminds me – remember this time last year or the year before when I was having terrible trouble sleeping? Now I’ve gone full circle – I can sleep anywhere at pretty much any time. Weird, right?
So anyway, I had an exchange of presents with my boyfriend, and then a present exchange with my family followed by a brunch of croissants and then another present exchange with my boyfriend’s family, and then a trip home to make a prawn salad before going off to another family thing. I didn’t even get a nap, let alone time to blog. Not that it really matters.
Something weird happened on Christmas, though. Someone made blatantly racist comments right to my face. I mean, directed at me, to me. I’d never met them before, they were kind of drunk and it was sort of disguised as a joke (which brings me to another thing – when is a joke not a joke? Need I bring up that Hipster Racism thing again?) but it was in front of a whole bunch of people who were all watching silently and I’m pretty sure I just gold-fished. I didn’t even respond. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and how I never really said anything to stand up for myself. I mean, I don’t think I was scared, I was just uncomfortable in a ‘this is so awkward, make it stop, I don’t want everyone staring at me’ kind of way, but it got me thinking that I don’t think I ever have or ever will stand up to someone saying really racist shit about me to my face. To other people – sure, but to me? I don’t think so. What is that? Is it just me? I don’t know.
It was pretty eventful, anyway.
I feel like it would be commonplace to post up all the gifts I got but that for some reason, seems kind of gross to me right now. I have been pretty spoilt. I tried to go shopping yesterday with some of Christmas money I received, but I just couldn’t. Why is it like that? When you can you don’t want to, when you can’t you do?
So it’s the 27th of December and I’m lying on my bed, knees up with the laptop resting on them. No one is home. The light in my room is pretty fantastic right now. I’m in that weird space where Christmas is over and the new year is coming and it’s quiet because everyone’s gone out of Auckland so it’s kind of a dead town and you’re not sure what day it is. I really like it. There’s someone playing tennis on the courts behind my house and the ball is making that popping sound when it gets hit properly and the temperature is really good, I feel sleepy and warm and I’ve been thinking, I hope that everyone out there on the internet is feeling just as good.