Oh jeez. Here’s the thing: I actually have a lot to say about this topic – too much, in fact. I have been thinking about how I can condense everything I have to say in to a few main points, in order to hold your interest, but it is really difficult because I have so, so much to share on the topic.

Being on both sides of the ‘cheating wagon’, per se, I feel like I am more than qualified to give an opinion on the subject. I mean, I know people who have, people who haven’t, I’ve done it, I’ve had it done to me, I’ve had friends in the same situation, family members. It’s just so hard, because when it has happened to me it has been the worst, ever. The worst. It actually HURTS, like physically. I know one time I wanted to throw up. It’s hugely disappointing, and scary, and a shock, and holy shit the insecurities you develop – it isn’t even just betrayal emotionally, it’s like – “what if you’ve given me AN STD?!” It’s such a shitty thing to do, but I can understand why it happens.

For one, I think we can never say never. And you can’t really ever take what someone says – even if they really believe it and you do too – as a guarantee because there are no guarantees on life, and especially no guarantees when it comes to cheating. People change their minds all the bloody time. Trust no one! But seriously, things change. Circumstances change. And every situation is different.

I feel like there are several levels of cheating – they are all pretty terrible, but varying degrees of. For example, I think kissing some guy out on the town when you’re 18 and have been with your partner for 2 months is different to going and fucking some chick with a terrible name (twice – morning and night COUNTS AS TWICE) while you’re overseas when you’ve got a live in girlfriend waiting for you at home. DIFFERENT. And what about ‘emotional cheating’? It’s all a bit fucking grey isn’t it?

“Now, cheating is probably not the most admirable thing a person can do, but sometimes I think it’s OK, if done correctly. If done in secrecy and with respect to your partner (no blabbing to friends!), and if the cheating doesn’t get out of control and isn’t too close to home, it’s not so terrible. Especially if you consider that the alternative is you being unhappy and potentially starting to resent your partner, thus causing problems within your relationship.” - Karly Sciortino, Slutever

I can understand the above quote from Karley Sciortino, but at the same time I just can’t get behind it. Maybe I’m too much of a jealous, paranoid freak. Generally speaking, I think if you’re cheating on your partner in any capacity, you don’t really want to be with them. Or you do, but not enough. I remember when my ex cheated on me, my boss at the time said to me that it happens all the time, and it was all about how much you’re invested and what you’re willing to risk. I really believe that if you want or care for something enough, you go out of your way to ensure that you do all you can (ie. everything that you’re in control of) so nothing happens to it. And in cheating’s case, 99.99% of the time you’re in charge of your own actions.

(“There’s a moment. There’s always a moment! I can give into this or I can resist it.” (Jeez Closer is a good film. Sup Lani.))

I don’t know if there’s ever a best case scenario when it comes to cheating, but I guess if you’re doing it and you know it’s something your partner wouldn’t like, then you’re basically doing something with the knowledge that you’re hurting them. It’s fricken selfish. Yeah, maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t give you what you want. Tell them, or leave them to find someone who will. I think maybe if you end up being with the ‘mistress’ for a long time, maybe that’s the only situation I’d feel okay with. At the very least, make sure the ‘cheatee’ doesn’t find out from someone else. It’ll come out, eventually, somehow. It often does.
If you’re lucky enough to be taken back, expect to spend a lot of time working on your relationship. I don’t think cheating makes you a bad person, but it does make you a person who has intentionally done something that affects someone they (supposedly) care about. A really shitty thing. On a related note, I do think if you’ve been cheated on and you do take someone back (which I have actually done, second chances and all), you’ve got to forgive them sometime or it’ll never work. No one wants to sit around in a state of paranoia that they’re going to get hurt again. People make mistakes. And I guess if you get cheated on and it doesn’t ‘work out’, at least you know that it’s not meant to be and you can focus on what is.
God this post was depressing.
Am I really contradictory?
Relationships are hard :(

PS: This is good.