Oh jeez. Here’s the thing: I actually have a lot to say about this topic – too much, in fact. I have been thinking about how I can condense everything I have to say in to a few main points, in order to hold your interest, but it is really difficult because I have so, so much to share on the topic.
Being on both sides of the ‘cheating wagon’, per se, I feel like I am more than qualified to give an opinion on the subject. I mean, I know people who have, people who haven’t, I’ve done it, I’ve had it done to me, I’ve had friends in the same situation, family members. It’s just so hard, because when it has happened to me it has been the worst, ever. The worst. It actually HURTS, like physically. I know one time I wanted to throw up. It’s hugely disappointing, and scary, and a shock, and holy shit the insecurities you develop – it isn’t even just betrayal emotionally, it’s like – “what if you’ve given me AN STD?!” It’s such a shitty thing to do, but I can understand why it happens.
For one, I think we can never say never. And you can’t really ever take what someone says – even if they really believe it and you do too – as a guarantee because there are no guarantees on life, and especially no guarantees when it comes to cheating. People change their minds all the bloody time. Trust no one! But seriously, things change. Circumstances change. And every situation is different.
I feel like there are several levels of cheating – they are all pretty terrible, but varying degrees of. For example, I think kissing some guy out on the town when you’re 18 and have been with your partner for 2 months is different to going and fucking some chick with a terrible name (twice – morning and night COUNTS AS TWICE) while you’re overseas when you’ve got a live in girlfriend waiting for you at home. DIFFERENT. And what about ‘emotional cheating’? It’s all a bit fucking grey isn’t it?
“Now, cheating is probably not the most admirable thing a person can do, but sometimes I think it’s OK, if done correctly. If done in secrecy and with respect to your partner (no blabbing to friends!), and if the cheating doesn’t get out of control and isn’t too close to home, it’s not so terrible. Especially if you consider that the alternative is you being unhappy and potentially starting to resent your partner, thus causing problems within your relationship.” - Karly Sciortino, Slutever
I can understand the above quote from Karley Sciortino, but at the same time I just can’t get behind it. Maybe I’m too much of a jealous, paranoid freak. Generally speaking, I think if you’re cheating on your partner in any capacity, you don’t really want to be with them. Or you do, but not enough. I remember when my ex cheated on me, my boss at the time said to me that it happens all the time, and it was all about how much you’re invested and what you’re willing to risk. I really believe that if you want or care for something enough, you go out of your way to ensure that you do all you can (ie. everything that you’re in control of) so nothing happens to it. And in cheating’s case, 99.99% of the time you’re in charge of your own actions.
(“There’s a moment. There’s always a moment! I can give into this or I can resist it.” (Jeez Closer is a good film. Sup Lani.))