MORE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE YOU DON’T KNOW! This time, I’ve enlisted the help of 26 year old workaholic, Sarah Mason.
“Might be too personal to ask, but have you ever gone through a really bad break up you thought you’d never get over? How did you cope? (Asking out of hope, rather than any weirdo interest in your pain, just in case you were wondering… ”
In short, yes. I’ve been through a few breakups, but only one really fucked with me. For starters the relationship was up and down and on and off and turbulent and just bad news all ’round. Also, it doesn’t help that I actually went through the bloody thing twice, but you know – it happened. I remember one day feeling like something was wrong. My old boss used to say to me that if something doesn’t look right, it probably isn’t. He was referring to Graphic Design related stuff, but I think it’s relevant to more than that. Anyway, it felt wrong, and it was. He was being pretty cold, hinting at not wanting to be in the relationship. That started at the start of a trip overseas and we were stuck together for a few weeks. It progressively got worse. I was crying all the time, he was angry and cold. I don’t know why I didn’t book a flight home earlier. We broke up when we got back. When I say ‘we’, I mean it was this mess where he wanted to break up, I didn’t want to, he would feel bad about it, I would try to convince him otherwise, etc. Pretty fucking degrading. Like, as rock bottom as someone can get in a break up, I think I didn’t want to be alone.
Within two weeks he was hooking up with some girl several years younger than me and partying all over Auckland. I knew because I was trying to pretend I could be friends and not care so we were still sort of hanging out, and also because I could see the photos on Facebook. There-in lies the first rule of break-ups: delete the person, or block that shit from your feed. It will drive you insane.
I think I felt crappy and didn’t leave the house or socialise or eat properly for about 2 months. My parents were concerned, my friends all saw it coming, I was just the biggest sook of all time. We didn’t see each other for a while, then months and months later, restarted something. That time I really thought we were going to get married, like all the shit had culminated in this amazing time that we were having, and that I had found ‘THE ONE‘. Does that even exist? I don’t know. When that ended, I was back to where I was and repeated the same post-break-up depression cycle again, probably for about a month. I remember being so fucked off with myself for putting myself through that again. It still kind of irks me sometimes.
So, advice. I got tonnes of advice when I was holed up in my room, refusing to get out or do anything. I ignored pretty much all of it though. I think it’s hard to take advice when you’re so ‘in it’. I think everyone’s different, but you need to focus on doing something every day that you enjoy. Small things to get you through. Buy shit you want but don’t need. Watch tv for 6 hours. You need to delete the person from your life. Dragging it out makes it triply worse – trust me. But in the end, heart-break is shit and that’s just how it is. There’s no shortening the process really, you’ve actually just got to live through it, I mean – what other choices do you have? This sounds super depressing but I promise you, in one month you’ll be feeling a lot better than you are now.
PS: If you’d like some advice from a stranger, feel free to send me a question to my email (firstname.lastname@example.org) or if you want to be a bit more anonymous, via my tumblr here.