NZNTM: Episode 5 in review.

New Zealand's Next Top Model and a metre of pizza.

I settled into a Friday night of Top Model with a metre of pizza and company in the form of Sarah and James. All necessary ingredients for a good night in if you ask me. But even so, I was feeling flat. Even after a few slices of pizza I was still feeling flat. You know there’s something wrong when you’re not excited about a metre of pizza. You know something is a little off when you find yourself surfing the internet during the show, and then taking two days to get the review in words.

What happened? Has the show lost its pizzazz? Am I just jaded now? Have I lost my Top Model Mojo?!  I don’t know, but I definitely have to figure it out before next week. Until then, here’s what went on this week:

• The best part about the show was the amazing all-male, gay dance troupe, ‘Vogue‘ aka ‘a bunch of the campest dudes around’. They injected some much needed excitement into the show.
• Unfortunately, the dance group Vogue is the closest most of these girls are going to get to the real thing. (Thanks Pebbles.)
• High fives at the shout out to knitwear extraordinaire, Areez Katki. The kid is talented. That is all.
• Although Aroha’s photo was good (above), it wasn’t anything to write home about. Yeah she looks pretty, but where’s the X-factor? DJ Sirvere liked it though – and that’s what really counts when it comes to choosing who has the potential to be a top model …right? (The answer is WRONG.)

Aroha - Friday night's winner. Images/http://tv3.co.nz/Shows/NewZealandsNextTopModel.aspx

• Okay, again: DJ Sirvere?! Guest judge?! WHAT?! And that rapper that just appeared on set – Young Sid. I have no idea who that guy is. No idea. Combine that with the fact that he just shows up at their photo shoot then disappears and you get a whole mess of confusion.
• Colin wears a lot of eye make up.
• Chris Sisarich uses the word ‘symbiotic’.
• I just do not get the styling on this shoot. The House of Holland tights, the weird stretch-vinyl/pleather tops and leggings. I do not get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah it’s supposed to be ‘edgy’ or ‘grungy’ or ‘car-wrecker-y’ or something, but they can do much better! What’s the theme? Trash? It’s not aspirational to me at all. To me, that’s what models and shoots are about. Selling something. Selling girls and selling clothes and selling an idea. I don’t look at any of the pictures and go ‘oh I want to be that girl’. I look at the pictures and go ‘thank god I’m not dressed like that’.
• Case in point. Bianca’s outfit. Would you ever want to look like this?:

Bianca.

• Bianca actually knows how to work it. Especially with her eyes. And she’s the underdog. Everyone loves the underdog so my prediction is that she will go far. Top five definitely.
• Tyne: You’re kind of an ass. With Tyne, she’s either edited to be this petulant, spoilt little kid or she is a petulant, spoilt little kid. It’s hard to say with reality tv. Basically she takes an okay photo – better than most, but it’s overshadowed by how annoying she is. Normally this doesn’t matter because it’s really about looks, but her looks and modelling skills aren’t good enough to justify crappy behaviour:

Tyne.

• Not only is Tyne kind of an ass, so is AJ. The whole ‘you sat in my seat’ debacle was fricken ridiculous. Who even cares? Not me. Let’s get back to the modelling!!! And on that note, it turns out AJ can. She got her model on in this photo. Yeah, she’s annoying too, but at least she can cancel it out by having an amazing face. This is the difference between her and Tyne. I feel like AJ’s got that little bit extra – that little somethin-somethin that Tyne doesn’t. Also, on a separate note, if they were going to take it to the school yard you know you’d have to put your money on AJ. She’s got the edge. Tyne may be verbally abusive, but AJ’s got the crazy on her side:

AJ.

• If I were to hazard a guess, it’s that Rosanagh makes it to the top three. She can’t take a bad photo. That face is made for the camera. I don’t even mind that wet ponytail thing she’s got going on. But again – styling?! WHAT IS THE THEME?! I do not get it. Someone please explain it to me!:

Rosanagh.

• Whenever I look at this photo of Issy, I think three things: 1. They always have to photograph her from the left because they shaved the right side of her head, 2. I like her expression, and 3. Look at the definition in her calf muscle. Seriously. Look. I literally can not stop staring at it.

Issy.

• Everyone already knows how I feel about Arihana in this competition. She’s like the ‘indie’ model. She’s the alternative one in the group with her red hair and that nose and the whole hippy vibe and the crying-when-sheep-get-sheared thing she’s got going on. I am not into it. I want commercial. I want a girl that will actually book a damn job at the end of this. In saying that, her photo doesn’t actually make me want to stab myself in the face so maybe there’s hope for her yet:

Arihana.

• Hey, so Brigette is amazing. This photo is not her best, but still, that face wins. (Those House of Holland tights, on the other hand, do not win. So played out. What are they, like three seasons old? Also, if this babe can’t make a plethery-stretch dress looks good, how is anyone else supposed to?) Top three:

Brigette.

• Amber is boring. She could be screaming and leaping up and down in front of me naked and I’d still fall asleep. I know I’m being harsh, but c’mon. There are 10 girls left. You’ve gotta up your game if you want to stay in this damn competition. And I know being 6′ is just good genes, but having modelled before and already being repped by an agency means I have higher expectations of you. Sorry mate, that’s just how it is. You’re going home within the next two weeks:

Amber.

• You know what? I really want to like Hillary. In fact, I do like Hillary. I like her as a person. What I really want, though, is to like her as a model. It’s just not happening for me. I don’t know what it is. This photo of her is actually kind of nice if you kind of squint and imagine it without the purple tights:

Hillary.

• Olivia Hemus (the photographer) is a babe. And let’s face it, she’s probably going to continue to book more work than all of these girls. (As well as being a photographer, Olivia also models with Clyne.) Beautiful, lovely and talented. Some girls have it all.
• Speaking of, some girls not only don’t have it all – some just don’t have any of it. Briana’s a nice girl but she really doesn’t know how to work it in front of the camera. Her lack of modelling skills failed to impress yet again, and this time she was voted off. About time.

Briana.

Until next week, folks!

All Images (except for the first one)/http://tv3.co.nz/Shows/NewZealandsNextTopModel.aspx