Um, I am getting these WEIRD messages right.  Okay so, like a week ago I get a text message at about 12.30am. It was from a number I don’t know. I was asleep. I got it in the morning. It read:
“Hi u still want me to send u a pic of my u know wat”.
Um, gross. Most people wouldn’t respond. Most normal people would just let the thing go and just leave it be. I am not most people (unfortunately). I am an idiot. Two thoughts crossed my mind:
  1. Is this a joke? I lost my phone a little while ago and don’t have everyone’s numbers back so maybe it’s someone playing a prank?, and
  2. If I play along, this could be a very interesting thing to blog about… (YES READERS! I WAS THINKING OF YOU!!! I BLAME YOU!!!)
So, I pretend that I know them and I reply.
“Sorry, was asleep, yeah send away”.
No response for about an hour, and then this: “Sorry, was busy, will send it”. I received nothing, and forgot about it.
Until Friday morning. Friday morning I got another message from anonymous person, this time at 5.40am. “Hi” is all it said. I replied, “Hello.” The rest of the conversation went as follows:
Them: “How are you?”
Me: “Awesome. You?”
Them: “Not bad, remember me?”
This is where I was f*cked, because I had/have no idea who they are or how they got my number or who they think I am etc etc, so I answered with this cryptic (and very clever if I do say so myself) message: “the question is, do YOU remember ME?” This was followed by no response for a bit, then this:
Them: “Did you like the pic”
Me: “I didn’t get it”
Them: “U didn’t that sucks I really want u to see it”
Me: “Okay”
Them: “I really want u to see it”
Me: “Well send it again”
Them: “I can’t”
Me: “Why”
Them: “I want to but I cant”
Me: no response
Them: “I have no credit”
Me: no response
Them: “U wanna see it”
Me: “If you want to send it”
Them: “Can u help me then pls”
Me: “What?”
Them: “With some credit so I can send it to u pls”
Me: no response
This is where I start to think I am being conned by some scammer who is trying to steal my money. I pass the number onto my friend who rings it from his work. It goes straight to answering machine on the first call, and the second call just rings and rings and noone picks up until it goes to the generic answering machine again. Interesting. Some time passes.
Them: “Pls will u pls”
Me: “Top it yourself”
Them: “Can’t, at work”
Me: “Do you actually remember me?”
Them: “Not sure, should I?”
Me: “If you’re asking me for money, yes”
Them: “Hm don’t know, pls do me this favor”
Me: “How’d you get my number?”
Them: “Pls babe, do me this favour”
Me: “Whats your name”
Them: “Mark, and urs?”
So this is the point where I start to think maybe it is one of my bastard friends trying to f*ck with me. I have a close friend named Mark so I can’t tell if it’s a coincidence, or if it’s someone I know, or if I’m going mental. I don’t respond.
Ten minutes later:
Them: “Do you want the pics or not?”
Me: No response.
Them: “Hey sexy, you there?”
Me: No response.
Them: “Cum on pls. babe ill send u some nice pics”
Me: No response.
It’s creepy, but I have come to the conclusion it is some weird scam where someone is trying to get my credit card number. I just ignore it and kick myself for even responding to the idiot in the first place.
This morning I wake up to the sound of my phone beeping. I have a message waiting in my inbox. It is from ‘Mark’. It is a picture. It is a picture of a naked penis.
I am disturbed. I freak out. I tell my flatmates. They love it. Brad says (insightfully) “I see, it’s been taken in a toilet… See the blue lino? See that? Where else do you get blue lino like that?” I don’t give a sh*t about lino. I am scared. I don’t respond to the picture, despite them all telling me I should. One flatmate offers a picture of his appendage to send back. Everyone thinks it’s hilarious. I just feel grossed out. And I feel like even more of an idiot for responding. It is my own damned fault.
Things I know about this person:
  1. It’s a ‘he’.
  2. He’s with Vodafone, or at least has an 021 number.
  3. He has terrible, terrible spelling/grammar.
  4. He is still possibly some con artist trying to steal money from me.
  5. He is white. Or at least the picture indicates so. (Eeewwwwww)
WHO IS THIS PERSON?!?!?!?!?!?!